Dave Donaldson

That's funny. I liked this post. I am not allowed to Blog about my spouse either. Hmmm.

I can't wait till your wife gets a blog, and you start collecting baskets and scrapbooking. I will be tuning into her blog every day.

I've tried to Geekify my wife with a PocketPC and her own email account--she won't bite. For that matter, she carries a cell phone but only turns it on when *she* wants to call! I, too, can't wait till your wife starts blogging her thoughts about your independence. (If you start scrapbooking and collecting baskets, I'll deny I ever knew you).

OK, let's get one thing straight right now: I will not be collecting baskets or doing any kind of scrapbooking. My wife might do that stuff, but not me. Actually, she doesn't do much with the baskets anymore, but she still scrapbooks.

Hehe, my wife does that too, Brian - only turns on her cell when she wants to make a call.
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Scott Mitchell
mitchell@4guysfromrolla.com
http://ScottOnWriting.NET

I set up my wife with a really cool email address similar to mine (her first name @ our last name dot cc), but that didn't do it. When she had to go to my office to get on the computer, she rarely did it, but when I got her her own laptop with wifi, and she could sit on the couch and serf, she does it all the time.

My wife can get geek when she wants to but she's a 6th grade science teacher, so it's not built in. When I was in Iraq, we web-cammed a lot, so she has been exposed. She still can't burn her own CDs or scan without my help. But she has _way_ better taste in clothes than me, so it works out.

Someone asked about this in another thread.. I thought I would share this will my fellow gamer brothers in a new thread Enjoy

How to Geektify Your Wife 101

My Wife sat down behind me, and watched the monitor as I plugged away at the keyboard in a turbulent game of Quake II Capture the flag.

"I'm just going to watch you play" She said as she leaned forward to relax her chin on the back of my shoulder.

"Uh huh" I barely acknowledged her, due to the Total Concentration Factor. I call this "TCF" My TCF suddenly changed from Quake to the stabbing pain in my back.

I shrugged her bony chin off my shoulder.

My attention then went back to the game as I regained my TCF. The red team, while being bombarded with hundreds of rockets, once again escaped down the air shaft with our freak'en flag! "Son of a (BEEP) these guys (BEEP)!" I shouted, totally appalled by the lack of talent on my team.

While Gaping at the monitor I could see My Wife's reflection. Her friendly smile was transforming into a not-so-pleasing frown.

I slammed the mouse down on the desk in an attempt to punish my computer for my obvious lack of genius.

"What are those little things for?" My Wife said as she smudged her fingers on the screen of my monitor. "Ammo Cells for energy weapons" I replied, as I wiped off the screen.

"Why didn't you pick it up?" she questioned.

"I didn't need it" Now starting to get annoyed my twelve-year-old walked in. Pulling up a chair on the opposite side me, she sat down. A moment of silence passed as everyone took in the action on the screen. Adrenaline was pumping hard in my veins as they began to swell on my forehead.

I was running down the path on the home stretch to our base, carrying the red flag. I had about ten points of life left. Suddenly a stray grappling hook from nowhere caught me in the head, killing me instantly.

"You can't be serious!" I jump up out of the chair. "You know if you had more life that wouldn't have killed you." My daughter added, pushing the knife in deeper into my back.

"YOUR NOT HELP.....ing..."

"Don't yell at her" My Wife roared as she jumped out of her chair. "Geez. I'm just trying to help." My daughter protested.

"Well thank you Jessie!" I growled.

"Your are simply in-cred-i?ble". My Wife said in her most annoying voice. "You have total lack of sensitivity." hands on her hips.

"You act like a twelve year old"

She continued to protest as she walked up the stairs. I could still hear her upstairs "You need to spend a little more quality time with this family."

Find yourself having days like this? Being a professional computer geek has is hardships huh? It's just not all what its made out to be.

Over the years I have learned a few tricks to help include your family in your computer endeavors, and save your marriage. Someone asked me to share them with him so someone, here you go. Define TCF- Phase One

TCF: Total Concentration Factor - This is the amount of attention that needs to be devoted to the monitor to consummate superior playability and precise hand and eye coordination. If I can't achieve total TCF its just not worth playing.

In order to explain this mad accusation to your wife your going to need to make an example. Go rent "Titanic" from Block Buster (assuming its out on video). When the movie is at its most climatic point, start to talk about your children's education. After a few minutes of that, stand up in the center of the room, blocking her view of the television, and start talking about home improvement. After she is done screaming at the top of her lungs, and you have picked yourself off the floor, sit back down with your wife and enjoy the rest of the movie. When the movie is over explain to your wife this was just your way of demonstrating TCF. Basic Training- Phase Two

You need to further reinforce this theory. This leads to the second phase of her training.

Rule One: You need to find a game that she likes to play. This is the hardest phase to accomplish, and you need to establish this phase quickly in your relationship. Some of you have already waited too long and she already associates hate with you and your computer.

I found my Wife likes 3D games with lots of jumping and puzzles. She loved Tomb Raider One and Two. Her latest game is Die By the Sword, which shocked the hell-out-of-me because as you fight your victims, their limbs get cut off. It's quite gruesome. I actually caught her standing over a corpse still hacking it apart just to watch the limbs fly off. What a sicko! This brings up Rule Two: Never play her game. This needs to be her game and hers only! Don't show her your better at it, or get further ahead than she. She will stop playing. Trust me!

Now that she is playing her game questions regarding the operating system are inevitable. Which brings up Rule Three: Simplify her involvement with the operating system. I made shortcuts to all my Wife's programs, giving her the ability to play games on her days off, while I'm at work. Just remember. The more time she spends on the computer the more she gets addicted, and the easier your job gets. Advanced Training- Phase Three Ok now she's on the computer so much you can't get on. . This is right where you want her. It's a good sign. You should congratulate yourself, but your job is far from over.

At this point you're tired of reformatting the drive and reinstalling the OS because she has trashed the system for the last time:

Rule four: Its time for a second computer.

This is a delicate situation, and you should not rush it too fast. You need to assure her this is her computer. I found fabricating a few computer outages worked great.

"How long is this computer going to be broken?" She panted. "Well honey I have to fix the hard drive that's broken in the CPU linkage, and the tractor bar balance system is giving me fits. I figure at least a couple of weeks." Hopefully by now she was sending email to her family, had her own ICQ number, and has at least two to three games she is actively playing. If she has close to enough cash in the savings account, you're a sure in on the second computer.

If she is the finance person in the house make sure to buy her a home finance software package. We use Quicken.

Now she can't do the budget with the computer being down.

You're set. After she gets her computer, go buy a cheap micro HUB and some RJ45 cable. Network your computers together. Now you're the big network chief. Your wife is happy playing her own games and corresponding with family, and totally out of your hair. Everyone just sits at his/her own computer and geeks to heart content. It's what you've always dreamed about. (Laugh) We even find enjoyment in bashing each other in a good game of Quake II.

Good luck my fellow gamers!

-Razor